• Lady J

10 Tips to Get Over a Breakup

Updated: Jul 6, 2020

You met at a bar while you were out with your girls and he was out with his boys on a Friday night.  Somehow both groups ended up sharing a table enjoying laughs and drinks. He didn’t approach you until you were about to leave, you thought he was cute, but nothing beyond that.  Numbers were exchanged, dates were had and you all fell in love so you thought.

The end of a relationship can be devastating, especially if you didn't see it coming.  It can seem as if your world has been flipped upside down and if you’re challenged with having depression and anxiety, it could make your symptoms worse.  Below are 10 tips on how to get over a breakup.

  • Feel All the Feels - sometimes people want to deny how they feel and move as if nothing happened.  Denial is not good because it suppresses your true emotions so that you don’t deal with them.  It’s been my experience that when I don’t pressess what I’m feeling it comes out in ways that are not healthy.  Headaches, irritability, angers, depression you name it. Allow yourself to feel what you feel and if you need help processing them, see a therapist or lean on your tribe.

  • Do What Makes You Happy - relationships can take up much of our time, so much so that the things we once enjoyed are put on the back burner.  If before your breakup you enjoyed reading in the park, do it. If you love to watch black and white movies, watch them!  Do what makes you happy and don't feel guilty either. You deserve to be happy and enjoy life to the fullest.

  • Lean on your Tribe - here’s link to last week’s post about finding your tribe.  In the post, I list the benefits of having supportive friends, especially if your depression and anxiety symptoms are getting worse.

  • Practice Self Care - what restores and replenishes you?  Whatever that is, do it! If your anxiety is getting the best of you, practice some grounding and calming techniques.  Anytime your anxiety and/or depression symptoms flare up, it’s important that you take care of yourself physically and mentally.

  • Back Away From the Ex - block, unfollow and avoid all contact Brown Girl!  And don’t believe the ‘we can be friends’ BS either. You need distance from your Ex in order to heal and seeing them on social media and meeting up for drinks can be harmful to you and your mental health.  It’s best to cut them off completely that way you can move on and live your best life.

  • No Rebounds - I was never a fan of that phrase in over to get over them, get under someone new.  What??? Going from one relationship to another isn’t helpful at all. How can heal and focus on you if you’re in another relationship?  Chances are you’re comparing the rebound to your ex because you're still not over them. A rebound may seem appealing, but in the end it’s not a healthy decision to make.

  • Learn From It - if we let it, life can teach us valuable lessons.  What did this break up teach you about yourself? What lessons did you learn about people, relationships etc.  Take a step back and see what lesson can be learned from your breakup.

  • Be Kind to Yourself - if your ex came to you with valid concerns about you and your relationship, don’t beat yourself up.  If you miss your ex and want the back, don’t be hard on yourself. The best advice anyone can give during this difficult time is to cut yourself some slack.  Hurting after a breakup can be difficult and healing is not linear. There will be good days and there will be bad days and that’s ok.

  • Take It One Day At a Time - it’s cliche, but true.  Try not to think about tomorrow because it can cause your anxiety symptoms to increase.  Taking one day at a time can help keep your focus on the present and what’s important at the moment.

  • Don’t Make Major Decisions - when a relationship has ended, your emotions can be fragile.  If your emotions are not stable and you make a major decision, you could regret it.  If there is something you need to decide, run it past someone who can give you an objective opinion.

My 2 Cents

  1. Breaking up with someone you love is a difficult experience one can go through in life.  However, when you focus on putting yourself first, start loving yourself and begin feeling good about yourself, you will begin to live your best life.  You DESERVE it!

Did you know that I now have a podcast? It's called, For My BrownGirls! Podcast and you can listen to it HERE!

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*I am not a licensed therapist.  This post does not serve as a form of therapy or diagnosis.  If you are experiencing an emergency, please call 911 or your doctor.